this is who i am :) 092110

( my BIG three ohhhhh :D )

.

        

             sun sets, shadows fall... 

night comes, stars and all...                                                                       

           as the day ends, 

may it take my sorrow and pain away ...

           leave it in the darkness, 

           so when tomorrow comes,

          i can start another day...

two souls...

whatever our souls are made of... his and mine are the same...

a girl's prayer

 

Lord grant me the wisdom to answer the questions that they will ask tomorrow... Let the Holy Spirit enter my body and mind so I may say the right things... Please let me stay calm all throughout the interview so I may convey the message that I want them to see...

Touch their heart and let them see right through me so they will truly see that my intentions are good... I know I might make mistakes, Im ready to face them just Lord grant me the courage to face all adversities and learn from them all...

Lastly Lord, let your will be done... I surrender everything to you from today and for the rest of my life here on earth... If ever I do mess things up, just give me a nudge Lord and point me to the right direction and if I ignore You, keep on nudging me until I wake up... Don't give up on me Lord, not now not ever...

Amen...

22 days...

22 days remain and soon i'll be singing "manila, manila... take me back in your arms manila" nyahahahaha can't wait to leave all the pressures that I have been through this last couple of months and just embrace the holiday mood...

I can't wait to see everyone that kept in contact with me... those that got lost along the way... hmmmm i don't know...

i can't wait to see my alter ego again and laugh at silly little things... i haven't done that in a long time...

i have become someone whom i don't know and recognize anymore... too much pressure hahahaha

today will be the start of a new beginning... a new chapter of my life... hope everything goes well... keep your fingers crossed for me will you?

and thanks so much for the prayers... i needed that... took the nervousness out of me today lol...

new addiction

latest addiction... hahahaha finally got the camera that i wanted and the labour did take a long time lol...

here are some sample pics and maybe in time i might get the hang of it...

this a view from Fermoy bridge... on such a fine day this can be a stunning view...

next one are some flower shots that i took in Kildare Village and the edited version of it... para ito kay QAIQAI :D

last but not the least... THE AMATEUR BEHIND THE LENS hahahahaha

kaibigan

we meet people whom we consider friends but the truth is they are merely acquaintances... true friends are those who are not afraid to tell you that you have done something wrong or tell you that you are fat instead of lying.. in short they are the ones who will tell the truth even if it'll hurt your ego... true friends will be there immediately when you call them in the middle of the night and tell them that you have killed someone and they will be there at your doorstep with shovels in hand and tell you start digging without asking questions... hahahaha pretty morbid i know but i can't find words to describe what true friendship really is...

as Breda told me last night, you don't go looking for friends, but they come at the right time and will be there for you no matter what...

i had a good time last night, called out to Breda's place with Kristine and we just had great fun bitching about the people we work for lol... when you look at the three of us, it looked funny, an irish girl (Breda), a Latvian girl (Kristine) and a Filipina girl (me), three people coming from different parts of the world, came from different cultures and beliefs but at the same time clicked as if they had known each other for a long time... it was funny because it has never occurred to me that three girls, who are different in all ways can be friends and when i say friends, it's the type that you know that will last that it's not just an acquaintance...

funny because we all met each other at work and never really imagined that we had a lot of things in common... not until lately, when i left there... i thought that was the end of our friendship, that we were just colleagues, but then as time has corrected me before, I WAS WRONG AGAIN... these two are really FRIENDS FOR KEEPS...

i know a lot of people, but they are just mere acquaintances.. i can count with my two hands those whom i really consider as FRIENDS... i know it's not much but believe it's enough to last me a lifetime... i would rather have a small amount of friends than have plenty of acquaintances as REAL FRIENDS ARE FOR KEEPS AND HARD TO FIND...

to those whom i consider my true friends, thank you for all the lessons in life that you have taught me... thank you for loving me as for who and what i am... WITHOUT YOU I WILL BE NOTHING...

-much love from across the world-
simply me... KAT, KATKAT, TATA, KATHLYN, KATZ, BRU,POLEN...

finally finished...

so im finally finished transferrring my old blogs to this new one....

i hope that this will be it...

a home for my SANITY...

random thoughts 15

Oct 22, '09 12:32 AM for everyone

                                                         

is it possible that two people who love each other so much can also hurt each other at the same time?

can it be called love if hurt is involved? or is it part of love? i don't know what to think anymore, my head has been going crazy these past few days... from what? from everything!!! work, love, life itself.... three major things that affect me the most in my life... too emo? yeah as ava keeps on telling lolz.... i'd often think of qaiqai during these time because she'd always tell me to think of happy thoughts....

happy thoughts? when the only happy thoughts that i have are the ones that are hurting me & making me confused at the moment...

i know.... we both know the only solution to this is to try to make it work one more time... not to give up or to give up... my mind & heart tells me to fight... but im also tired at the same time... sleep has been evading me these past few days & it's not helping at all...

happy thoughts again... his smile... his face... his childlike ways... that's what makes me happy... being in his arms while watching telly together... laughing at silly things... the sweet nothings & the sweet little things that he comes up with ( believe me it's not often though lol )...

i've always felt that i don't belong... whatever i do & wherever i go... like there's this void inside of me... like it's looking for something to complete me... but when i'm with him i don't feel those things anymore... when were together everything just feels right... like this is the place that i always want to be.... beside him....

there it goes... the answer to my questions... now all i have to do is to make it right this time... now all i have to do is convince him.... now all i have to do is enjoy the moments & not aim for perfection because nothing is perfect in this world....

funny how the realization came just when i'm pouring out my thoughts... i really have to get back to this as much as possible...

maybe sleep will come tonight, finally....

random thoughts 14

Oct 19, '09 11:14 PM for everyone

the day went uneventful... work called & asked if i wanted to do an extra shift but i declined.... what???? me decline? there must be something wrong hahahahahaha

been doing a lot of thinking... slept half seven this morning till 10... what woke me up? i dunno...
has anyone of u ever felt that the old familiar place that u used to love is not the same place anymore? like ur there's something missing? hmmmmmmmm i don't know it just felt weird....

no news, no developments... only thoughts about what lies ahead... scary thoughts really but heck we all have to face it...
the weather has been shitty (excuse my french ) since i woke up this morning & i could hear the wind howling outside... it's raining cats & dogs outside & what's worst is that it's terribly cold... there's a different cold tonight.... maybe because i feel cold inside & now to make things worst it's physically cold as well... oh well, another day is almost over....

hope sleep will come visit me tonight i badly need it i think lolz....

random thoughts 13

Oct 18, '09 11:35 PM for everyone

 

i can't believe that it has been a long time since i have written down my random thoughts & feelings... no wonder my mind's a mess at the moment....
i wrote something last night about how i felt but i left somewhere... no worries, i'll get it one of these days...

spent the last hour in bed trying to will sleep to come to me but so many things in my mind... so i decided to write it down....

what am i thinking u might ask... hmmmmmm nothing really, just random questions, thoughts, answers... talking to myself again lolz....

here are my random thoughts for today....

how are you feeling right now???
- confused
- hurt
- love
- rejected
- battered
- broken
- pain

what are u thinking at this moment???
- why...
- how...
- if i deserve this?
- is it ok to let go?
- is it worth it to fight?
- will it still work?
- do i still have the energy to go on?
- do i feel love?
- is it right to feel hurt?
- philippines
- qaiqai
- my lost best
- red horse lolz
- yosi
- I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HERE!!!

what have i concluded so far?
- i need more yosi lolz
- red horse lng katapat nito lolz
- i need to talk to qaiqai...
- i need to write this down so i can sleep lolz
- i need my family...
- i need him ( i havent actually concluded on this one)
- there are other people's needs that i have to think about, more than what i need...
- that we all need to be hurt sometimes to wake us up from the fantasy that we are all trying to build, to make us realize that FANTASY and REALITY are two different words with two different meanings lolz....
- i need to write again because this is the only thing that makes me sane...

so far that's about it... i know tomorrow there will be more & i hope just like everyday, that i'll survive it all... lolz....


-dazed & confused mode-